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As it stands now, I have a lot of growing up to do. Lately, I have been challenged to a higher standard of being a so-called "grown up." I know it is necessary to grow up and be organized. But I am really questioning who really has it all together. I sure as heck dont and Im pretty sure no one really does, but I have been really convicted lately by the "shoulds" of life. This is something that always irritates me. I "should" have my room spotless at all times, I "should" have more of a balanced life. I "should" be more womanly: i.e. polite, proper, quiet, etc. I also, have started to feel peer pressure for the first time in a long time. I never have believed in peer pressure. I believe that you cant let people control who you are, and that your life is yours to make. But for some reason, more than ever, growing up has turned into moving backwards. Life has become like highschool again. Cliques: the single people, the marrieds, the people with children, the out casts, the unemployed, the students,etc. When will these labels stop?

Also, it seems to be based on a grading system. If you dont complete the essay questions the way a certain teacher expects you to write it, you fail the test. Life is not just a series of tests, but sometimes it seems to be that if you write the answers that are acceptable to the majority, or certain "teachers" in your life, you pass the test with atleast a c and every one is happy. Except you learned nothing and you wrote the answer that they wanted. Which, gets you no where.

This isnt something that is consuming me, just slightly irritating something inside of me. Why do we feel compelled to keep up with the Jones' in our life? There seems to always be someone nicer, prettier, funnier, richer, cooler, a better mom, a better wife, more stylish. Why can't it just be acceptable within ourselves to love who we were made to be and be it freely?

Is this pressure made up internally, or are we really getting mixed signals about who to be? I feel a little bit of both. No one is free from internal pressures that we put on ourselves because of the media, peers, random strangers, parents, enemies, or anything in between. But I also believe that we are not perfect and the imperfections are what make us who we are individually. Seriously, this sounds cheesy. But Im really ercked by this insane pressure that is in the world to live up to some standard that was set 900 years ago that we seem to follow aimlessly like sheep. Why cant we just control it and live our lives, freely, and wonderfly for who God made us to be.

This might be just me, but I feel that Jesus wouldnt want it this way. I feel like God made us all so different for a great reason. Whether it be quiet, short, funny, with a stutter, bad at school, great at school, akward, a great dresser, or anything in between; he wants us to be who we are. Quarky and unique in our own special way. He wants us to love ourselves and love him. Thats all he commands of us. And I feel like if we get consumed in what we are or others are; we lose sight of him and what we were created for: to love.

There are, of course, times of weakness and judgement and hate, but I think if we focus on the qualities that make us and others who we uniquely are and are accepting of those qualities, its a great start to freedom from standards and pressure.

This might be one who rabbit trail, and it might never solve any thing. But I just thought Id vent.

So...moving on.

Wow. So, times really change. AND fast!

Since then I:
-Got a job teaching a kids cooking class for a whole month at jc. One week I taught two classes. Breakfast of champions and rakin in the dough. The next week was science week! And the third week was iron chef! Every child I got to instruct soaked so much in. Their minds and imaginations are incredible!! It was honestly the most amazing job I could ever ask for, and a huge thing that God had planned that I never knew I was even equipped for. I learned so much about myself, my patience level, children in general, and it helped keep my passion for food alive and kicking. Those kids taught me what it means to really enjoy life. They smell things, taste things, eat things, just to figure it out. I wish adults took more time to just figure things out. Life would run so much smoother if we took the time to smell things and enjoy the process behind life. I also learned from these awesome kids how to cherish everything. No stone is ever un-turned if a child has lost even their smallest, yet favorite piece of artwork or jewelry or stuffed animal. They cherish the small things as well. They dont care about how expensive things are, or how cool they look, or what they wear. They just want to run around, eat a lot, and have fun. If people stayed that easy as life went on, I think wed be in great shape!

-Finished up my last semester at Columbia, I learned so much from those classes, but also learned that mostly what I needed out of that school was to learn a new outlook on life, soak in some culinary knowledge, and realize that a degree in culinary arts wouldnt be what I needed. I am 6 classes away from finishing. Some day I might finish up the odds and ends of the degree, but all that are left are laws, and math classes. I have since finished my general Ed, and plan to go to Stan State in the Fall of 2011 for Child development.I enjoyed every bit of every class, and learned so much about the world of food, and I never plan to stop learning!

-I also, recently got engaged. That will be a whole other blog. lol! This is an exciting journey that will be my next adventure. Im just glad he loves food as much as I do. We plan to do a lot of eating and traveling along the way. So I have no idea what the future will hold, but Im excited and it is such a fun ride learning and growing and figuring it out. Im seriously up for any new challenge and I wouldnt trade any of the times over the past year for the world.

"This will be a changing day in you life." -Dr. Phil.

I never knew what Dr Phil was talking about when he said that. I new it could happen to people, and that it might happen to me some day in the future when Im old and gray, but I had a life changing moment. Through one small conversation, that the other person has no idea how much they changed my course in life.
On friday, I had a life changing talk with my nutrition teacher. God tugged on my heart to talk to her. It was definitely a divine appointment. We talked for a while. 30 to 45 minutes about life, nutrition, food, different jobs she had, and everything in between. It was great. I know 30 years from now, when Im in whatever job I have, married with kids, and looking back on my life, that comversation will have changed my life.
Before this conversation, I had an interview and got the job through Modesto Junior College being a teacher for kids and cooking. I also, have had a divine appointment and want to get into group exercise training and nutrition. I had no idea how I was going to put it all together, and definitely how to start on this adventure.
After talking with my teacher, she cleared a lot up. She told me who to talk to, and that what I should look into is Public health. It would be helping people with eating disorders, moms to be, children on welfare. All of the types of jobs that actually help people! Exactly what I would love to get into!!! Its so exciting to see the was things are getting narrowed down, some things that are getting pruned out of my life, and things that are getting brought into my life that I never expected.
I have also started making children's birthday cakes. Ive done a spongebob, a dora, and my next adventure will be spider man! I think I am getting interested in learning more about cakes. Its a great business and super fun!! Pictures will be posted!!

But...other than that, new recipes are in the works and I am enjoying school and every class I get to soak in. Summer is going to be a kick in the pants, and I cant wait to see whats in store on this crazy path Im on.

the funniest day...

So, to sum in up. Wednesday was probably the funniest day this semester. Altogether, Wednesdays are just long in general. I have an 8 1/2 hour lab and then lecture after. Its rough, but its all about food so Im happy and in my happy little world. Last Wednesday specifically though was funny. I made soup. Not to hard, but i had never worked with ginger, made stock, and never made soup from scratch before. So from the start it was a nervous task for me to take on. Then to top it off, I spilt veggie oil everywhere, got ginger in my eye, cut two fingers on the same hand, and was tearing up worse than any pms day from cutting a million onions. And, when the soup was done, a lady's comment was that it "tastes like baby food." The flavor was great, but carrot ginger soup is a puree soup. Thats just what it tastes like. Altogether it was so fun though. Me and my lab mates were laughing so hard. Especially Emily. She is a crack up as it is, but we were laughing so hard I almost peed a little. HAH.

As for every other class, I am taking my last general ed class. This English class is amazing, but my teacher is quite the hippy. I love it. I love how we "pinky-up" with a partner at the beginning and end of every class. I am learning to write better than ever before. Maybe a career that combines both is in store!?!? Who knows?

to eat is to live, to love is to cook....

...this is my motto. On my final for my careers class, it asked what my personal motto would be towards a career in the hospitality industry. I didn't quite understand this, but after some heavy duty pondering on teh subject, this is what I came up with. Kinda after the fact, but thats ok.

I really feel that yes, eating is a necessity (spelling?), but food is not only a way to survive and keep you alive, it is to live. It is a lifeline, and a common ground by which all people co-exist and live together in this vast, crazy world. No matter what is going wron, what kind of day you had, what emotional state you are in, no one can deny good food. Every one needs, wants, and loves to eat. And no one can deny the desire to eat. We need it to support us, to live.

And to love is to cook. Love in my eyes is to give your heart and soul. To put in effort towards more than just yourself towards one thing, person, or goal. Also, to put faith and trust in someone besides yourself.To cook means making sure everything comes out perfect, take time to put a magic touch on every part of the meal to show affection to someone through this creation that was made especially for them. Love makes people happy. Food makes people happy. To me these two make the world go round.


and this is what i would name my cookbook If I get that far one day. NO! let me rephrase that... WHEN I get my cookbook.

Oh and I think Im getting a camera for Christmas, so food pictures will be a result of that for sure!!

and catering went well. I feel like we were on dinner impossible with that really masculine chef dude who does impossible dinners. I know how he feels now. Just on a smaller scale, and not on television, and Im not a buff chef dude. But it was the same. We slaved all day, scoped out the deals at Costco for the perfect tri-tip cuts, then in a flash we dropped it off and we were done. I felt like I just had a baby with him and then we sent it to the adoption agency, dropped it off, and we were done. Didn't get to see it grow up. It was sad...but so worth it! And I feel so much closer to finding my "niche" I feel something brewing. I just really wish I had a direct connection to God's home phone sometimes. I really just want to chat with him. I really want to see what Im meant for sometimes. It would help me out a lot!

But any ways, all finals went well. Classes are over till January. Until then just killin time with baking, and Christmas.Got my books for next semester! Im pumped for nutrition class. woo hoo!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

updates.

So, here are some updates:
-chef scared the crap out of me and ever since the falling cake incident and mushy bread incident, I thought I was going to fail the class. But thankfully so, I didnt. I re-did my bread final and it came out amazing. Cinnamon raisin bread mmm. Let's just say I got an A. And as for my cake, he said it wasnt my fault that it fell over. YAY! So baking is over with! Im excited about that.
-Me and Matt have a catering job this friday. Only for 20 people, but it is for the nursing board at Stan State. And Matt wants to be a nurse, so this is pretty much a make or break job. So, crossing my fingers that it goes well!
-Up at Columbia, there are weird things that I have never experienced. SNOW DAYS!! Here in Modesto I have never seen it snow, let alone have a snow day.
-I got my classes for next semester. B lab, which is more extensive cooking class. We actually get to do more than prep sandwiches and over easy eggs. This class will be so fun to dive into the fine details of cooking and the "real stuff." Also, I will be taking a nutrition class. Hopefully this makes me realize what I am consuming so I stop eating all this junk food crap that I hate to say that I love.

as for now, it is winter break! Finally, no more finals, no more classes until January. So until then it will be at home cooking...

finals....

hmmm so lets see. To sum it all up, I spent 7 1/2 hours in the bakery making bread and a triple layer chiffon cake. Home made strawberry peach whipped cream, french buttercream, and a marbled chiffon cake. I put my heart and soul into that cake. Then I go to put it on the counter to grade, come back after cleaning and it has fallen. hmm... embarassing to say the least. I was crushed. I had a slight mental break down on the way home with my boyfriend worried sick that I was going to crash my car out of pure fluster-ed-ness. (?) Good news though, my teacher saw the cake before it fell. But nevertheless, he still saw it fall. So who knows what my grade will see. As for the bread, the moral of the story is never improvise with baking. Banana turns bread verrryyy mushy, and you cant use oats to replace wheat bran. Kinda doesnt work...So that one I am going to re-do : )

As for my mental health, Its been one of those weeks. I seriously want to escape. I am contimplating not taking any cooking labs. Yes it will be sad, but it will be a break from tedious cooking and give me free time to cook food at home that isnt being judged from all aspects. I do love my school, dont get me wrong. Its just hard. I want to crawl up in a little ball and pitty myself, but I know that would be the total wrong thing to do at this point. I think instead I will drown my frustrations is cookies, and look on the brightside. Thats the only thing I can do.

Hey, and the cake was delicious. Just ugly. So thats a plus. I can bake, I just need work on the pretty parts of food.... that will come later.