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As it stands now, I have a lot of growing up to do. Lately, I have been challenged to a higher standard of being a so-called "grown up." I know it is necessary to grow up and be organized. But I am really questioning who really has it all together. I sure as heck dont and Im pretty sure no one really does, but I have been really convicted lately by the "shoulds" of life. This is something that always irritates me. I "should" have my room spotless at all times, I "should" have more of a balanced life. I "should" be more womanly: i.e. polite, proper, quiet, etc. I also, have started to feel peer pressure for the first time in a long time. I never have believed in peer pressure. I believe that you cant let people control who you are, and that your life is yours to make. But for some reason, more than ever, growing up has turned into moving backwards. Life has become like highschool again. Cliques: the single people, the marrieds, the people with children, the out casts, the unemployed, the students,etc. When will these labels stop?

Also, it seems to be based on a grading system. If you dont complete the essay questions the way a certain teacher expects you to write it, you fail the test. Life is not just a series of tests, but sometimes it seems to be that if you write the answers that are acceptable to the majority, or certain "teachers" in your life, you pass the test with atleast a c and every one is happy. Except you learned nothing and you wrote the answer that they wanted. Which, gets you no where.

This isnt something that is consuming me, just slightly irritating something inside of me. Why do we feel compelled to keep up with the Jones' in our life? There seems to always be someone nicer, prettier, funnier, richer, cooler, a better mom, a better wife, more stylish. Why can't it just be acceptable within ourselves to love who we were made to be and be it freely?

Is this pressure made up internally, or are we really getting mixed signals about who to be? I feel a little bit of both. No one is free from internal pressures that we put on ourselves because of the media, peers, random strangers, parents, enemies, or anything in between. But I also believe that we are not perfect and the imperfections are what make us who we are individually. Seriously, this sounds cheesy. But Im really ercked by this insane pressure that is in the world to live up to some standard that was set 900 years ago that we seem to follow aimlessly like sheep. Why cant we just control it and live our lives, freely, and wonderfly for who God made us to be.

This might be just me, but I feel that Jesus wouldnt want it this way. I feel like God made us all so different for a great reason. Whether it be quiet, short, funny, with a stutter, bad at school, great at school, akward, a great dresser, or anything in between; he wants us to be who we are. Quarky and unique in our own special way. He wants us to love ourselves and love him. Thats all he commands of us. And I feel like if we get consumed in what we are or others are; we lose sight of him and what we were created for: to love.

There are, of course, times of weakness and judgement and hate, but I think if we focus on the qualities that make us and others who we uniquely are and are accepting of those qualities, its a great start to freedom from standards and pressure.

This might be one who rabbit trail, and it might never solve any thing. But I just thought Id vent.