Saturday, November 21, 2009


hmmm so lets see. To sum it all up, I spent 7 1/2 hours in the bakery making bread and a triple layer chiffon cake. Home made strawberry peach whipped cream, french buttercream, and a marbled chiffon cake. I put my heart and soul into that cake. Then I go to put it on the counter to grade, come back after cleaning and it has fallen. hmm... embarassing to say the least. I was crushed. I had a slight mental break down on the way home with my boyfriend worried sick that I was going to crash my car out of pure fluster-ed-ness. (?) Good news though, my teacher saw the cake before it fell. But nevertheless, he still saw it fall. So who knows what my grade will see. As for the bread, the moral of the story is never improvise with baking. Banana turns bread verrryyy mushy, and you cant use oats to replace wheat bran. Kinda doesnt work...So that one I am going to re-do : )

As for my mental health, Its been one of those weeks. I seriously want to escape. I am contimplating not taking any cooking labs. Yes it will be sad, but it will be a break from tedious cooking and give me free time to cook food at home that isnt being judged from all aspects. I do love my school, dont get me wrong. Its just hard. I want to crawl up in a little ball and pitty myself, but I know that would be the total wrong thing to do at this point. I think instead I will drown my frustrations is cookies, and look on the brightside. Thats the only thing I can do.

Hey, and the cake was delicious. Just ugly. So thats a plus. I can bake, I just need work on the pretty parts of food.... that will come later.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Finals have arrived!

So... I'm starting to think this whole "cooking" thing just isnt for me. I love to cook, and I love food, but after a few guest speakers and a crappy day in the bakery with white chocolate frosting (long story). I am learning that this is definitely a career that is a day to day adventure. I am frustrated one minute, creative the next, and just plain confused most of the time. I know that this is the reason I am in school for this, and what else would I do? But the problem is I feel like I know nothing at all. People are making reductions and cakes that are beautiful. I feel in over my head with projects and math and I know I am just running away from homework and putting things off until the last minute. I am worried that I will not finish or be good enough as of this point. Hopefully my final projects save me, and maybe this is a sign I shouldnt take as many classes next semester. I am just frustrated and tired, and dead lines are killing me. Its hard to be so positive when everythings on the line. I hope that it all goes well.

Let me put it this way...

my baking final-berry chifon mad hatter hat with polka dots and a buttermilk walnut bread with a banana cinnamon swirl. Well see how it goes...
The rest is all written papers and tests, but im stressed!!! I hope this semster just goes by fast and next semester isnt to bad.